Corruptive Vanity

So far, so damned

2012-01-21T14:04:00.006+08:00

Nobody knows anybody.

One minute you fall in love with a person that you think you know so well and then everything you thought they were turned into something foreign, something you see in your dreams, something that kills you. Most things you experience are temporary. Happiness is temporary, pain lasts a lifetime. I couldn't help but wonder why did I get into this shit hole again when I know how everything will turn out in the end. Maybe there's always hope in everyone no matter how much of a pessimistic person one is. Maybe that's what made a fool out of us, the idea of hope. The idea that maybe that person is going to be different. But what's so different about humans, if only their hearts are placed as a display unit, if only you can visually see where the heart lies. Whether it's pure or simply pure bullshit. Maybe that's not much of what we seek, maybe purity isn't all we wanted, maybe all we wanted was stagnant feelings, unmoved, and if feelings were to even change the slightest bit perhaps all we wanted was for it to be bigger, larger, better. To the point of infinity but never the other way.

Alas, creatures.

Past life

2012-01-17T18:25:00.005+08:00

Hello, it's been awhile. I got your text, I wish I could say all the things you wanted to hear but I can't and if there's the slightest chance you might read this I'm glad, it means you know that although I'm living my life you still own a part of my mind. You're living in quite a distance away now and if someday we're bound to meet again then it's meant to be and if not, it's okay. You see, it'll be like our little thing, I'll think of you secretly and so will you. Till then.

Alas, creatures.

Promote

2012-01-10T15:07:00.004+08:00

If you'd like nice clothes at a very cheap price do visit :

TO GO on Facebook

They're mostly preloved items and they are in good quality.

I helped a friend out with the concept and the photographs
which explains the masks and also by modeling some of the clothes.

Alas, creatures.

Twenty twelve

2012-01-05T23:42:00.014+08:00

Hello, readers. Although it has already been 5 days that we're living in 2012 and posting stuffs about it now would be quite odd but what the hell. I'm here drowning in boredom, I'd rather do something about it. As most of you know my thinking of "resolutions are bull" is still valid up until now so I didn't take the time to think of any. I'd rather live my life one day at a time you know. See how things go. I've never celebrated New Years not because I can't, it's because I'm not interested to. I'd usually just sit at home doing my usual routine which is nothing worth telling but this year I went out with the boyfriend and coincidentally it was New Year's Eve and later that night, I hung out a little more with my boyfriend, siblings and their friends. Nothing grand. It sickens me when people make a big deal out of New Years. Okay the digits of the year changes, wow. Anyway, it's Marilyn Manson's birthday, which is on the 5th. Technically it's the 6th now as I've been taking quite some time to type anything out due to my divided focus. I've been listening to songs on Youtube and also I've been feasting my eyes on wedding dresses because they're magnificent. I'm absolutely certain that if those dresses I've laid my eyes on would ever come to life as a human being, they'd be utterly pulchritudinous. Well, let's just leave that aside and pay attention on something that's much more essential which is my sleep. Even though, I'm 17 going to be 18, I still have to have my 10 hours of sleep every single day, no kidding. I'm already bipolar and temperamental you don't want my lack of sleep to add up to any one of those, trust me. It'll be catastrophe binded in a soul. Sweet nightmares.

Alas, creatures.

Fear is joy

2011-12-30T21:17:00.012+08:00

I just bought this contact lens again, I thought of buying the one with the black rim but unfortunately they don't have any in power. I was devastated, no kidding but I'm not going to give up though. Once I've laid my eyes on something, oh boy I will not settle down until it's mine. Moving on, I went to the dentist today for scaling after almost 2 years of completely bailing on my appointments. Thank God my teeth are as good as ever. I love how my dentist still treats me like a little kid. I've been going to the same dentist since I was 6 years old. He's very much happy with how I take care of my teeth and I'm happy when my teeth are healthy. Mutual feelings are awesome. I'd be sure not skip on my regular checkups anymore. Dear readers, your teeth are important, it may look clean but you never know what kind of nasty stuffs there are in there. Your teeth are important when you decide to show them to the world to indicate any pleasant feeling you're experiencing or in my case to just scare the holy shit out of human beings. Amazing teeth, amazing smile. Alright then, as all of you know, 2011 is coming to an end. I wouldn't say I'm at all jolly to proceed with 2012 simply because time's moving too fast and I kept growing everyday. It's fine now but I'm not one who enjoys growing old "gracefully" as they say it. I'd call it the decaying process, it makes it sound a tad bit eerie. Anyway, my head's spinning in all the wrong ways right at the moment. I do get frequent headaches but you never get used to it. I need a long comforting rest, with my favorite lover; my bed. I'd probably post some shits about New Year tomorrow or whenever I feel like typing. To those who actually read my blog:

Thank you for wasting your precious time with my nonstop bizarre nonsense.

Alas, creatures.

Mask up, douchebag

2011-12-29T21:06:00.034+08:00

I hereby welcoming a new addition to my family. You're one of the exquisite masks I've picked up to join my H a l l of K o o k y And yes I've dyed my hair red, dark red, wine-ish. I'll probably do a lot of colors since I have all the time in the world to waste. It's fun. Besides that, I'm keeping my nails long enough to be sharpen into claws.

Now
get out of here.

Alas, creatures.

Eulogy

2011-12-28T23:08:00.015+08:00

To a man whom I named; my lover, my best friend and my enemy.
People always say that they love someone more than everything or anything. To let the people they love have a clue on how grand their loves are but I shall not say the same to you. I daresay that I love you like I love nothing. Objects and materials are temporary therefore I wouldn't be saying that I love you like I love everything else that's good or more than anything. I will not tell you that I love you like a fat kid who loves chocolate cake so you'd have an idea of how intense my love is for you because it's temporary, because by then if the world has run out of chocolate cakes it only means I run out of love for you. I love you like I love nothing, when everything fades and everything is empty I'd be driven to appreciate nothing, to adapt with nothing. Things couldn't any better than that now does it? When I'd have nothing more left to lose, I'd still be very much fond of you. I love you like I love nothing and that's about as infinite as it can be. Let there be times where you think of me, in all manner of things.

Goodbye.

Sooner than expected

2011-12-25T00:30:00.006+08:00

I don't have to do much to freak them out, I swear.

Greetings, creatures. I've been going through one hell of a roller-coaster ride with my emotions, they're all over the place and things have gotten messy. I've pondered on some personal stuffs for these few days and I have came up with a conclusion that's more likely to make some alterations for my future. I'd rather not blab about it, keeping things to myself. What I'm absolutely positive about is that change is imminent. It may not be the right thing to do, but hey I'm Ally, what's life without a little risk. Simple theory, if there's a wall, I'd usually break through it.

I'd rather feel uneasy but free than safe but sorry.

Alas, creatures.

Pioneer

2011-12-17T12:45:00.013+08:00

I have a severe allergy to the ordinary.

It's not something new to those who's been introduced to who I am that I do things I love doing without giving a flying fuck. I am peculiar in a lot of ways that people don't understand. I twist a lot of innocent things into something dark and complex, that's what I do best. A mixture of both worlds emerging as one which clearly portrays my bipolar self. I don't only wear the things I wear in my photographs just for the sake of the pictures but I do wear them outside in my daily life, not to seek for attention. I am one of the people who can walk around in normal clothes and still got caught in strangers' eyes. Fact. Which sucks, perhaps because I'm taller than average. Attention is the last thing I ever need really, in fact, I despise it. I just have my own world. And sir, your opinions are invalid because I for one care not about it. They can stare, they can whisper but boo, it's my world. Oh and by the way, my new artwork is up you can check it out on my Facebook page or my Deviantart as usual. I shouldn't have to keep repeating this, you know how it goes. It's about looking at your own reflection before pointing out everything that's wrong in others. Like me; I'm flawed, I know it and I love it. There's nothing people can say about me that I don't know already. That's probably why when they vomited adjectives or nouns that isn't me, I have the loudest guffaw, it tickles my intestines.

I do my own shit which makes me the shit, what's not to love?

Alas, creatures.

Au revoir

2011-12-15T12:56:00.003+08:00

It is as though they're there crying to greet me and my endless misery.

Have you ever realized what writing does to you? Not only does it allow you to write down your very own thoughts to be remembered but in a lot of ways it heals you. To write down words of wisdom for yourself. To remind you the mistakes you did today shall not be repeated tomorrow or to remind you that pain is nothing else but a reward to yourself someday. I am only speaking for myself and for those who feel as how I feel. I have been thinking to start writing once more, to write the story of a soul that used to mean the world to me, I find my journey throughout the whole thing is worth writing. So much has happened in two years; monstrous things, beautiful things. I figure I'll walk down memory lane once more, delve into the past and write something honest that maybe someday people will read it and learn from it or witness the purest thing in life that's printed on papers. I believe it is an engrossing story, no story is as interesting as the ones we experience ourselves. You know, there's always going to be that one person that no matter how much they break your heart or whatever bullshit they pull that aches you like fuck or how ever long it's been, no one else can replace them in your life and in the core of your heart, you'll always feel for them. My person is a he. He'll always be remembered and I daresay till the day I die unless amnesia kicks in then forgive me.

Alas, creatures.

Maybe someday

2011-12-14T00:01:00.005+08:00

What we have is L'Amour fou, it'll always pull us in no matter how much any one of us try to resist.

Trust me, with us, it's never-ending.

Alas, creatures.

Merry me

2011-12-08T12:00:00.005+08:00

As most of you know the big examination has been over for me since the 5th. I haven't been doing much since then except watching all sorts of movies I downloaded but the boyfriend was on leave yesterday because he wanted to hang out with me since we haven't seen each other for 2 weeks or such so we went out for a bit and then spent the rest of the night at my place. He actually gave me this photo crystal thingy which has our picture in it, the one with me making my fart face, it's absolutely adorable. I love it. Anyway, he did try tying my hair in a few different styles but epic fail, he sucks enough said. I looked ridiculous so he decided that it'll be fun to take pictures and videos. Goodness gracious. I don't usually allow people messing around with my hair but what the heck. I've always been a bugbear, it's probably not the end of the world when sometimes the wheel turns. I'd be making a new artwork soon enough, the weather has been awfully decent and by decent I meant bipolar and so have I, all the time. I'm up for a new artwork as it's been awhile. You know, I've been thinking of getting my poems and short stories I've been writing published. That will be one thing to do, I've 5 months to figure things out. Oh, have a monstrous holiday, humans.

Alas, creatures.

Individualism

2011-12-01T09:30:00.008+08:00

Hello, pairs of eyes. One of my friends asked me to watch V for Vendetta some time last month because he said he knows I'm going to love it as it's about rebellion against the authority and he's right. I was going to talk about the movie V for Vendetta last month itself but I'm thinking waiting for the mask I've ordered would be a lot more fancy. So, the movie was top-notch. Not only it is all classy and elegant but it's also thought-provoking. The idea of that movie is somewhat similar to one of the literature novels I've studied which is Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. I've always been attracted to complex, subliminal movies. It's much more fun for your thoughts to be disturbed than having a rather calm and happy mind. I have this habit of analyzing things, whatever I see or hear can't be merely accepted as it is and that applies to everything; subliminal messages in movies, songs, humans and anything under the sun to be precise. Anyway, I get the message of the movie or at least what I've made up for myself. You shouldn't be afraid to stand up for what you believe in and never be a slave to a corrupted society. You shall not practice escapism too often, the mass media has a lot of ways to stop you from thinking. Take the time to delve in your mind. Only fools accept things as it is without questions, a wise man look at things underneath the surface.You have your rights. And there shall always be someone who goes against the flow of normality, someone who'd make a change. I bought the mask because the idea of it fascinates me. I only own things that contribute some meaning to who I am. I for one, use my freedom of thoughts quite often that makes me aware of little things that most people are oblivious to. We're living in a fast-paced society if you haven't noticed and day by day, people start missing out on little things, they overlooked on things that are significant. Food for thought.

"IDEAS ARE BULLETPROOF."

Alas, creatures.

A little tweety

2011-11-20T11:03:00.006+08:00

I'm never a fan of Twitter but my sister has been asking me to make an account there which I did as boredom sets in. I'm not one who loves posting about every little seconds of my life so I figure I could use Twitter to post my witty statuses which I often do it on my Facebook page or anything random when I'm up for it. Truth be told, I've never "followed" anyone on any websites before except for Tumblr because well, it's about pictures but still I don't follow much. I have followers on my blog but I don't follow anyone that's just how it is with me, it is not done purposely out of arrogance or whatnot, just me having constant lack of interest in people. Me following anyone random would be a rarest occasion, you'd either be people I know or people the world knows and I coincidentally find them sexy but truthfully I'm not quite interested in following people. People are welcome to follow me though but I'm more into doing my own thing if you know what I mean. Anyway, I'm not one who thinks having followers are a big deal as the content I post anywhere is most probably about myself or for myself. Honestly, I don't even check up or keep counting on those who "follow" me. I do things because I love doing it and if by any chance they love what I do and their interests in me started growing and they decided to follow me than thank you sweethearts. Finally, there's a big chance of me deleting my Twitter account when I'm bored or if I'm bored.

Alas, creatures.

2011-11-19T10:53:00.003+08:00

I'm a lot of work, I am emotionally unstable, underneath my physical appearance, I'm damaged goods. I'm made out of flaws, my complexity has made it completely impossible for you or anyone else to understand how I function and you'll find 99% of your time baffled and frustrated with who I am as you can't keep up but I was hoping that 1% of good quality I own would be enough for you to not only hold on to me but to also love me wholly and unconditionally.

Alas, creatures.

Hell-o-win

2011-11-01T02:56:00.015+08:00

Alas, creatures

You

2011-10-25T18:02:00.016+08:00

Everything I would have said to you binded to a melody.

Just go, just walk away,
So bittersweet, you're already far away.
Take with you, our memories
They're opening like summer flowers.

Don't you be fooled
I loved you more, than I would ever dare tell you, I'd ever dare tell you.
I'll let you go, I'm only holding you back,
You're more than a small town, you're more than a small soul.

Close those pretty eyes. Don't look behind.
What did I tell you? That past is past, don't let it follow you.
Don't think, that by any day I'll forget your face.
How could one forget you?

Don't you be fooled
I loved you more, than I would ever dare tell you, I'd ever dare tell you.
I'll let you go, I'm only holding you back,
You're more than a small town, you're more than a small soul.

Hard to let go of something once you get hold of it, once you get hold of it, ya.
Don't you think for a moment,
Don't you think for a moment,
Don't you think for a moment that you aren't worth all of it.

Don't you be fooled
I loved you more, than I would ever dare tell you, I'd ever dare tell you.
I'll let you go, I'm only holding you back,
You're more than a small town, you're more than a small soul.

Just go, just walk away.

Big E

2011-10-07T00:54:00.003+08:00

A W A Y

I'll be back on 5th of December.

Alas, creatures.

Gloomatastic

2011-10-03T22:25:00.022+08:00

I could get used to this.

The boyfriend bought me this bunny plush toy because I am part bunny so it seems. We've been through this before, it has been said that I'm a sucker for bunnies. Pipe down. Anyway, it's so bloody daintily adorable and I named her Gloom. Let's just say, she's mini me in a form of an animal. Guess, now I have a roommate despite ones that are invisible. That bunny made my day.

Alas, creatures.

Home at last

2011-09-24T02:59:00.003+08:00

Oh, my baby Olympus, you're back from the doctor's looking as dashing as ever.
I've been missing you, a lot <3

Alas, creatures.

Do it like Juliette Valduriez

2011-09-23T10:55:00.005+08:00

I was browsing through YouTube listening to well, metal songs and I came across a few covers for "Master of Puppets" by Metallica and this one really caught my eyes and ears. I rarely have posts on my blog about other people but if I'm interested, I'll do so. This is one of those rare cases. I've always have a thing for someone who could shred the guitar like nobody's business. Those who can play metal songs with their guitars are sexy. I, too rarely compliment girls or well just about anyone, unless I think they're really good or well mind-blowing attractive. This girl is sexy, really sexy because baby, she can shred the guitar like nobody's business. Trust me, if I weren't straight, I'd date her. Heck, I'd date her right now. ZR will understand. ;)

She is a girl and she can play the guitar like one with balls, maybe even better.

I am a girl and I am a committed listener to metal music.
So, to hell with your double standards.

Alas, creatures.

Read between the lines

2011-09-19T17:07:00.007+08:00

One, two, three, four, five,

Once I caught a fish alive,
Six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
Then I let it go again.
Why did you let it go?
Because it bit my finger so.
Which finger did it bite?
The little finger on my right.

You must be familiar with it, it's the song we were taught with when we were little, supposedly to learn how to count. I have personally analyzed that nursery rhyme few days ago. What if nursery rhymes aren't just for little kids? What if it isn't just about the obvious? I have concluded that this particular rhyme can be used as a voice of conscience. To make you learn something else from it besides numbers.

"One, two, three, four, five,

Once I caught a fish alive,"

It could mean that a person once found someone. "Fish" can be used as a symbol to portray a person. As to the metaphor "there's tons of fishes in the sea."

"Six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
Then I let it go again."

Then he or she let's the person go again. "Again" signifies that it's been more than once that he or she has let that person go.

"Why did you let it go?
Because it bit my finger so."

A question was asked of why did he or she let that person go. That could probably be the voice in one's own head asking himself or herself of why did he or she let that person go. Chance are just to remind oneself so that he or she will never forget the reason. "Because it bit my finger so", the word bit can be portrayed as injury that has been brought to oneself by that person. He or she let the person go because that person does hurting.

"Which finger did it bite?
The little finger on my right."

Another question was asked in one's head as a reminder. "The little finger on my right" can be used to view promises. As "pinky promises" are usually made by using the little finger on one's right hand side. So, that person has hurt he or she more than once by breaking promises as promises are a big deal.

Well, I had an experience in that particular area, so this relates to me and my past. Maybe this analysis will help anyone that's currently going through a state that I was in.

Alas, creatures.

Journey back

2011-09-16T10:33:00.003+08:00

He was too good to be true, he was always ravishing for the eyes and heart but after awhile I figure we weren't meant to be together as I've realized how quick-witted he is for my own good, he speaks gibberish, the language I've never learned to speak nor acknowledge.

Alas, creatures.

Shoot it

2011-09-14T19:16:00.011+08:00

The sky has been crying a lot since yesterday, I'm liking it although there are a few downsides to it but never mind that. I was going to talk about this new camera I bought. Pentax Optio H90, it's pretty cool. I've been missing my Olympus too much that I need to get a new camera. Kidding. Still it sucks though, I haven't seen him in a month since I sent him off to be repaired by doctors for cameras. Camera doctor sounds cool, I'm going to go with that. Anyway, I actually wanted a simple compact camera that is light so that I can bring it everywhere. My Olympus is considered small but it's pretty heavy, so it's a real hassle. This Pentax is really good for a compact, but it can never beat my Olympus, I can say it has its own specialty such as the photo filters for this Pentax are good too especially the "toy camera" effect. It looks wicked as well. Not too shabby for Ally. "Functional beauty" as they call it.

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So, my boyfriend bought me that bunny ring. It's so dainty I can eat it! but I won't. I'm a sucker for bunnies alright. Moving on, obviously I haven't been making any artworks because I'm having my trial papers now and also of course my Olympus has not been around, me and him we're so compatible. Yes, I'm still talking about my camera. Only God knows how many creative ideas that have visited my mind every single day. It's a torment. Well, I'd probably have a lot more time after the big exam. For now, let's just feast your eyes on random pictures of my annoying face every once in awhile. I don't think it's too bad.

Alas, creatures.

idée fixe

2011-09-10T00:43:00.010+08:00

Finally, it's here, the love of my life. Jeez, I should really slow down, I am having way too many relationships with non-living things. Anyway, yes, the love of my life, the ultimate bunny mask. I have been yearning to own it for over months now and after a long period of waiting I got it. Bloody distance, why can't they have my kind of "cool stuffs" here in Malaysia. I guess it's true, you can't really have everything unless you really work your ass off for it. In this case, well I did worked hard to convince my dad into buying me that. That counts. Oh and I must add, shipping is a major pain in the buttock. I have odd obsessions, when people are obsessed over celebrities, I am obsessed with headgears such as detachable ears and masks and some other things. Life has never been better. The feeling of people not being able to see your face but you can see everything, simply amazing. They've seen my face way too much anyway.

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I posted a status on how it's fascinating to see people quoting me, yes, about that. It's really flattering. I saw quite a number of people quoted me before and also some who even stole what I've written and took credit for it. Besides that, I've also seen someone posting what I've wrote such as my statuses on my Facebook page on a random website, I've forgotten the name of it though but that's not the point. The point is, I saw this person whom added me on my personal account, I've forgotten what his name was but under his "favorite quotation" he posted something I once wrote on my Myspace which was a long time ago. I figure, he must have either known me from Myspace or he took it from someone else who took it from my Myspace which is pretty much dead. These lines are what I'm talking about:

My heart is like an electrify sugarcoated cell covered with cushions, the safest place you'd ever reach but countless souls have not found a spot in it but to those few that have I'd say you're one of the luckiest creatures and you'll be safe as long as you want to be.

I still remember how I wrote that under this little box on the left-side of my Myspace profile. Ah the good ol' days when Myspace doesn't suck. Anyway, when I saw that what I wrote back then still lingers around in people's minds, it's really creepy, in a good way. To see how my words are traveling and how they have the life of an Egyptian cat, incredible. To those who have highly thought of me and who have been affected by the lines I've wrote, cheers.

Alas, creatures.

Eid ul-Fitr

2011-09-03T00:30:00.005+08:00

I'm too fatigue to play with words at this time of day considering I haven't had a good sleep in two days, so all I'm going to say is Selamat Hari Raya to Muslims all over the world.

May this festival brings you joy and a motherload of money.

Alas, creatures.

2011-08-25T18:00:00.002+08:00

God bless those who are capable of arranging words in sentences and bound them to melodies that have saved millions of souls.

Alas, creatures.

Cyber pets

2011-08-20T03:06:00.004+08:00

It's not quite a suitable time to be updating blogs, I should be in bed but I'm not. I've been having a Neopets account for a few months. I've been using them since I was little but then I stopped for a long period of time, seems like I'm back again. I was so bored that I thought of just standing upside down so I asked ZR to create an account there too. It'll be fun. And so he did. Unfortunately he chose the same character as mine, he said it's because we're meant for each other that it's simply inevitable to not have the same liking and yada yada yada. Pfft. Mine's the yellow one and his is the red one. Mine's named as Drezekiel and his as Gilbael. I guess in an absurd way, we do have something in common, such as making up cool names. I can live with that. Anyway, it's really addictive. Yes, that site was meant for kids, but hey young at heart. After all, I'm only seventeen not the other way round. I can't defend him much though regarding the "age" subject, he's much older than me. Fret not, baby boy, you're young at heart too. Thanks to moi. Ah, isn't he lucky. Oh the best game I've played so far would be Typing Terror and that Ice Cream shit. That's it really, time to hit the hay, lovely eyes.

Alas, creatures.

Feet ornament

2011-08-18T18:21:00.004+08:00

Eid is coming up soon enough and I have been shopping for clothes. There are not much clothes that are appealing to me these days I have no idea why, maybe my season is just not in yet. Anyway, I also bought two pair shoes. One is a black suede wedges, for my baju kurung. Yes, the part where "I'm-not-a-fan-of-heels" is still valid but I sort of have to because mother said it's not acceptable to wear flip flops on such occasion. Understandable. I'm already tall and I look like a monster with it. Boyfriend seems okay with it because either way he's still taller, whatever. I despise heels but I guess I have to get used to them, I am after all growing up everyday. Me and heels should be well-acquainted by the age of 20. It seems more "mature". Enough about heels, the other pair of shoes I bought would be a white leather converse of course, forever Chuck Taylor. It's beautiful. No complaints, all's dandy. It ends here.

Alas, creatures.

Memory lane

2011-08-16T15:24:00.008+08:00

Few months ago, when I just started knowing my boyfriend, we've talked about many things and that includes my favorite childhood cartoon. I didn't know the title of that cartoon but I have a vague image of it running around in my head and I have been trying to search for it for ages. I then described the movie to him and he found it. It's called "A Troll in Central Park", it was made in 1994, which was the year I was born but of course I didn't watch it right when I got out from my mother's womb. I remember watching it with my sisters, we were all little kids. I was over the moon when I know he found it and then of course he downloaded for me, because he's fond of me. That cartoon is awesome and I watched it again recently although he gave it to me few months back.

Apart from that, I've also been meaning to watch The Addams Family since I was reminded by my uncle that it seems like I belong to that family. Yeah, it's acceptable as I am not the most "normal" person in the world, so yeah. I agree. Of all the characters, I'm more likely to be Wednesday Addams. I've also realized that there's a character named "Grandmama" in that movie which is exactly what I usually refer both my grandmothers as to my allies. I've always thought "grandmama" sounds better than "grandma", I couldn't put my finger on why though. I think I'd fit perfectly in that sort of family, they could use another character to spice things up, me for instance. It would be totally cool though, Gomez, Morticia, Uncle Fester, Lurch, Grandmama, Pugsley, Wednesday and Ally. Anyway, thanks to my boyfriend, he downloaded it for me too, so I watched it few days ago. Yes, my boyfriend loves me to the extent that he ought to give me everything he's capable of giving.

Moving on to the next movie which is Casper. I've watched this when I was little, the part where Kat sat on the chair and into some sort of tunnel thingy never cease to entertain me. That's the part that's fresh in my mind so again I told my boyfriend and he does the usual, getting it for me. He's kind isn't he? Yeah, my boyfriend. Anyway, I've watched Casper few days back too, it's still as amazing as the last time I watched it. I'm not the only one who's still fascinated by such movies, my siblings as well. I guess there's just something about that kind of movies that involves magic and the supernatural or peculiarity for that matter. Well, I only speak for myself about the peculiarity part though.

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Besides all that, he also found me a few other movies that of course I'm fond of such as Salem's lot and Children of the corn. They're both horror movies that I haven't had the chance to watch yet as it'll consume hours of my time. I will do so soon though. All these movies I mentioned are the movies I've watched during my childhood moments including the horror movies. I just want to watch it again to have a better understanding of it all. I would like to thank my pretty annoying yet very lovely boyfriend for giving me the chance to visit a part of my childhood in such way. He's been giving me movies and stuffs way before he became my boyfriend, he's something isn't he. One kindhearted pest of mine <3

Alas, creatures.

2011-08-11T18:31:00.016+08:00

Hello, creatures.

Do visit: http://zewardrobe.blogspot.com

It's easier to have a separate blog for all those things so it wouldn't mess up my current blog. Someone will assist you on YM. P.S headless pictures were modeled by my mates.
♥

Alas, creatures.

Animal within

2011-08-10T20:40:00.008+08:00

Who's to say what's proper?

Alas, creatures.

The anthem

2011-08-06T11:19:00.006+08:00

This shall be my anthem.

I'm not usually into Joan Jett's but this song is what I'd usually write down, just there's melody to it. I listen to songs not because I like the band or the singer, like really, I'm more into the song itself. I have a lot of songs I like but most of the time if you try asking me anything about the band members, their names or such, I wouldn't know because they're the least of my interest unless if I find them mad sexy. I focus on the songs not the people who sang it.

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To those people who loves reading books more than watching the idiot box, you should read Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. It's a good-for-the soul kind of book and also it's an eye-opening story. I'm in the mood to read these days, I'm planning to read The Catcher in the Rye by J.D Salinger next. Heard it's a good book, I just have to read it to confirm that.

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Notice: About the competition for the cap, since there's no submission just yet I'd have to call it off, my deepest apologies because it seems quite unfair for those who'd work hard to create an artworkand not getting anything. I feel for you. I'd probably sell it some time in the future or just give it away. But to those who'd still like to send me their artworks they made of me they could do so as usual by posting a link on my page. xoxo

Alas, creatures.

Two-letter word

2011-08-04T18:09:00.002+08:00

To love someone is to be fearless, and I was fearlessly in love with him,

despite the consequences I had to face.

Alas,creatures.

A little writing

2011-07-31T09:36:00.019+08:00

Eventually, you'd make new memories but that doesn't mean you'd forget the old ones, it only means you've grown to know what's good for you and you are brave enough to accept that

you've moved on.

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I haven't actually been saying anything about the vacation. I didn't quite have the time to and also I wasn't in the mood to write anything. Pardon the picture above, it was a candid shot by my cousin, my mouth was filled with junk. I mean junk food. haha. So, I went to Pulau Perhentian with my whole extended family for a vacation. I'm not much of a fan of the sun but I went anyway. Family comes first you see, I'm pretty strict on keeping that line valid as family is essential to me. Well, it may sound a tad bit duncish but my hatred towards the sun caused an intense involvement of sunblocks. Different kinds of sunblocks, all at once. Yes, I'm one paranoid lass. Pulau Perhentian is a very beautiful island, if you're searching for tranquility, that will be it. Although, I'm not into the resort but the island is remarkable. Apart from that, I've done something new on that trip, I get to ride a real bus for the first time in my life, a double-decker bus. I've been on a school bus when I was seven years old till I was about nine or ten but that's just about it. I dislike public transportation. Despite the great umbrage towards everything I dislike, I had fun. That's it for now. I'm famished, I need breakfast.

Alas, creatures.

2011-07-22T01:21:00.012+08:00

Pretty psyched for tomorrow♥.

Vacation, I've been waiting for you for far too long you have no idea.
I could use some time away to think things through.

Elf

2011-07-13T21:17:00.010+08:00

I think people should be proud of who they are despite the flaws. People have this thinking of what's beautiful and what's not, truth is who are they to decide. The society has been brainwashing the human race through mass media, tricking their minds into thinking what's perfect and acceptable or shall I say what's normal. You turn on the TV and you see beautiful girls and yummy looking lads 95% of the time and yes I made up the percentage to show that it's happening way too often. Not that it's wrong, but with that going on, most people began to doubt themselves,they started thinking less about themselves which is a tragic. Most teens have became anorexic or they've done way too many plastic surgeries just to conform to whatever the hell is out there. I'm all about "doing what makes you happy" but maybe we should all try respecting ourselves as an individual. You're beautiful no matter what they say, if they say you're ugly just tell them to get real and those who's reading would probably think "Oh it's easy for her to say it." I'm not perfect and I never tried to be, there's something about being completely different from everyone, to not conform to the norms of society that gives me ultimate satisfaction. I'm not up with the whole idea of trying to be perfect or trying to look like anyone else. I love myself way too much that irks people around me. I never doubt myself. See, I have ears of an elf and my forehead is bigger than average, it's weird, nothing "normal" about it but I like weird and I'm not ashamed of it. Maybe someday people would get a fucking surgery just to get ears like mine or a forehead like mine and I got them for free. Do you think back then anyone would think gap teeth is attractive? There must be the first person who started all that, who accepts himself/herself and is very much proud of it. And now people would pay money for it, they find it sexy. I am not a follower, never was and never will be. I lead instead. A trendsetter. I sound conceited, yes? I get that a lot I began to take it as compliment rather than an insult. Point being, you're beautiful the way you are, screw what people thinks. I never gave a fuck about what people have to say about me, my opinion speaks louder, theirs? Pfft, just like a fucking fly buzzing in my ears, loud but foreign.

No, you're not fat you just chose to have flesh on your bones.
No, you're not ugly, they just have stereotypical minds.

Alas, creatures.

ZeReverse

2011-07-08T22:31:00.019+08:00

Relationship is a real hassle, I'm not up for a commitment, I like being on my own.

Well, guess what, I have a boyfriend today. Not some imaginary boyfriend in my head, I actually agreed to be someone's girlfriend. After a few times of him being rejected, I finally said yes. Funny part is that I used to hate him so much, heck I still do. He's a nobody, he's nothing, he's ordinary. I guess I got what I wished for, I've always wanted someone normal, the total opposite of me. And there he is. He came in my life on my birthday, he added me on Facebook and I actually approved, shocking yes. I never approved anyone I don't know. Guess I was bored and well he's been such a pest ever since. God knows how much hatred I have towards him it reaches to the point that I even told him that he disgusts the holy hell out of me because he's all gooey and I'm hardcore. We went on a date because I thought I have to start dating at some point and even that he annoys me so much he managed to make me go out with him for several times but of course I was dating some other guys too, no strings attached. But I guess there's something about him that makes me linger for a bit. Even how much he annoys me and how much I've cussed him he's still there. I guess his persistence finally paid off. He has the kindest heart I've ever seen, not literally but you get what I mean. Yes, what draws me in is his heart. Easy to say, I'm like Satan and he's like Saint. Whatever. Anyway, we've talked for about 6 months now, shocking, I know. I usually stop talking to newcomers after a week. But trust me, he's tasted my hell more than 4 months, I've been well myself for a long time and he dealt through all that, it's almost impressive. For someone so ordinary to be able to be so patient me is simple remarkable. Everyone knows I'm not the world's friendliest lass but yeah, I guess he digs girls like me. Very very stupid. He went through some tough times in the process to actually get to know me and he still will but it isn't my fault, he's so pigheaded he still want me. You would probably think that "Oh Ally's in love again" and all but truth be told, I'm not. No, I am not in love with him nor do I love him. I am emotionally detached, I still am but I am learning to get what "feelings'" all about again. Funny, I forgot what feelings feels. Yeah, he's very much in love with a robot. But hey, few months ago when I told him this he said he'd wait till I'm able to feel again and he meant it, he said he'll still wait. He has such pure heart, it's insane knowing I have none to give. I am very much attracted to his heart, that's the only thing that draws me in. We'll see what happens. Just he is the sweetest most kindest man I've met, yeah he deserves to be called a man, he's not just a guy, he's a man, he's my man. Shut up, I can brag about my boyfriend. Just this once or twice. Maybe, just maybe he could be the one who helps me remember the person I used to be before. I'd keep the details to myself because I like it that way, but here's how it all went down:

After a year plus of being content in flying solo, I am now promulgating the fact that
I am officially off the market, bummer. Well, for now at least ;)

Relationship status: ❒ Taken✔ ❒ Single Heart: ❒ Taken ❒ Single ❒ None ✔

Funny isn't it?
Oh take a chill pill lads, I'm only someone's girlfriend not someone's wife.

You'd be thinking what kind of crazy chap would want a mental lass like me.
Trust me, I don't fucking know, if I were him I wouldn't date me.

Why?
Because he wants me for all that I am despite my rage, oddity, complexity and insanity.
And also his determination and persistence are fucking mad.

ZR.

Alas, creatures.

TIme after time

2011-06-26T11:30:00.006+08:00

Me and my friend Bella haven't been spending quality time online together much for quite sometime as both of us were pretty much busy with our own lives but we still talk from time to time when we have some things to share. Oh how much I missed her <3 Well, we pretty much had a wonderful date yesterday. We jumped from one places to another, first Skype but then it turned out that place is pretty shitty so right after that we jumped to Msn and since that place is pretty shitty too for video calls, we jumped to our last rendezvous which was YM. Had a pretty good laugh yesterday about the silliest thing. We took some snapshots too, our minds can only remember so much, I just need it to be more precise the next time memories come flashing back. Well, obviously, I love her. She's just so puerile and simply adorable. Oh, and another thing, I'm hoping to hang out with my best friend today, it's been awhile and quite frankly I miss him. I've been missing my people a lot, it's ridiculously aggravating.

Alas, creatures.

Conflicted

2011-06-18T00:00:00.019+08:00

Some words just don't come out right.

Quiet rare of an occasion for me to utter something I don't mean. I, myself was thunderstrucked by my own sentences. Sometimes you wanted to say something nice to someone but you ended up saying something else, something spiteful. That happened to me, in fact, for the very first time. If words could kill, mine would've have slaughtered a dozen of people. See, my head is a mess, it's like a mad house up there. Everything is so twisted and senseless that sometimes it tangled up with the real thing. I had so many kind words arranged in perfect sentences that ought to be something beautiful but when the time comes something malicious came out of nowhere. Sweethearts, my mind is a terrible place, it compels me. I've always been right when I claimed myself to be my own enemy, it's proven. How I wage wars upon myself, probably it's something natural to me. No, I do not know what I want, I do not know what I feel, or if I feel. Say, what do feelings feel? I am very well passed that. Probably, that's the whole problem. This thing that's happening baffles me, maybe it's caused by denial, maybe it's self-defense,maybe it's just me or maybe it's just another joke life is pulling out of its ass to miff me. If so, brava. There's no way to solve this unless I spend some time contemplating of it and acting on it which is something I've been doing for the past few days but still I think it may take some time. You know, you can never know what someone is going through unless you have gone through the same thing, even if you did chances are it might not be exactly as how it is for that particular person. Truth is, every situation is different, there's a lot of aspects you have to consider so if someone tells you they know exactly how you feel or what you're going through kindly offer them a big cup of shut the fuck up. Anyway, I should probably hit the sac now because I tend to make zero sense past 12.

Alas, creatures.

Merci

2011-06-11T13:50:00.002+08:00

Frankly, I don't know those people who bought my clothes but still no harm in saying thank you. That's the least I could do. However, I had to make this quick as I'm as hungry as a mad cow. If I ought to have another wardrobe clearance in the future I'd post it up here as well. Anyway,pardon my voice, I'm having a sore throat.

Alas, creatures.

Foe is me

2011-06-07T21:29:00.009+08:00

I've successfully forgotten what being infinitely happy feels like.

I have no intention of exaggerating such thing, it's fact. I've realized that when I was on my bed that one night, staring blankly at which appears to be nothing as I sleep in the dark every night. When you're alone in such place, you couldn't help but just let your mind goes wondering. I tried to recall when was the last time I felt joy and nothing's ringing then funny thing happened I tried to recall what joy feels, and nothing as well. See, I don't know about other people but when I try to think or recall something and I couldn't quite grasp it, I feel uneasy. Quite frankly, severely agonizing. I can't remember what happiness feels like and right then itself I know I was long gone, somewhat deviated. Sure, they say happiness comes and go but how do one know when it's even there if one has forgotten of how it feels. The problem is I just don't feel and I'm okay with that really but it got a little more complicated when I can't even feel the bright side, the good part. So, basically I'm just numb as hell, more or less like a robot. People; they've been feasting their eyes on me and thought "What could possibly go wrong to such human being? She seems perfect." A lot of things can go wrong. They just don't seem to understand. Countless times I've said I'm only a perfect flaw. They go on about looks. There's nothing much about it, looks are just vessels, it doesn't define what kind of person you are or what kind of life that person has. I daresay some other people may be more of a person than I am even if they look a little less to the rest of the world, at least they feel, at least they're happy. It's always been me, a little cuckoo, a little derange, a little bit of everything that's strange. Anyhow, I can't do much about it, can't say I didn't try. I'm no psychic, I can't foresee the future but whatever that's going to happen will happen. Guess I'm just lost in myself again, there's nothing much to say, I think that's totally normal when myself is me. Maybe people are curious to know why most things they've read are about sorrow, confusion, or self-reflection. Truth is, tragedy makes good writing. Tragedies were written from the impairment of oneself for the benefits of others. Let's face it, happiness is overrated, no words could possibly be precise enough to convey such joy but of course I'm only speaking for myself.

"And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed, the don't know my head's a mess."

Alas, creatures.

Let the doll out of the bag

2011-06-04T12:58:00.006+08:00

Hello creatures, don't mind the picture. I was talking on the phone with someone when that was taken. Oh and say hi to Aoki, she was a gift from me for my little sister. She's adorable as hell. Anyway, I gotta be frank, this holiday sucks big time, there's no sugarcoating it. No vacation no nothing. I'm only spending my time with some of my friends, by that I mean I invite them over to my crib and just chill. I've watched Paranormal Activity Tokyo three times now with two different friends, I've memorized everything. Watched it for the first time alone though, not bad. I'm in the mood to watch horror movies but there's not a movie that scares me for real just yet, the kind that I can't sleep at night, ghosts aren't as thrilling anymore, at least in films. I really think ghosts in films are giving bad names to ones lingering around, really. If I were them I would've gone ballistic. Like come on, if you want to freaking imitate at least do your best at it you know. I'd stop yapping now. Moving on to some serious stuffs.

_________________________________________________________________

It's been awhile since I had a new artwork. Sometimes one would have a writer's block and same theory applies to making arts, I get blocks too. It's because I have so much of ideas in my mind that when I have to choose to get which one done first my mind's all jammed up and all of a sudden I went blank, that irks me as hell that at a certain point I think I might be losing it. But of course I know that's impossible. It has been said "You can't use up creativity, the more you use the more you have." Creativity is one of the fundamental things I have in myself and God forbid I lose it. See, it's not about quantity, it's about quality. Whatever I do, I have to do my very best. I can't just do it for the sake of doing it, it has to have a value, something meaningful because art is my passion, I don't do it for people, I do it for myself so I take it very seriously. P.S a new artwork is will be out soon.

________________________________________________

Oh and my mother bought me this dainty contact lens case, how I love frogs. That's pretty much it for now, I'm going out later with a friend, the least of friend and I'm hoping to chow down a motherload of ice cream or anything that's sugar based.

Alas, creatures.

They call me freakshow because I am.

2011-05-29T23:58:00.011+08:00

You know, scientists say the higher your IQ, the more you dream, that explains why I dream a lot. Well, Marilyn Monroe said "Madness is genius", I don't disagree. I'm a fucking genius. Yeah yeah, "Ally's such a narcissist" boohoo but it is not narcissistic if it's true, not really at least. Anyway, my dreams aren't always sweet, I get nightmares a lot which is a lot of fun, that's probably why there's "Sweet Nightmares" painted on my wall and I say that all the time. Nightmares are far more entertaining than an ordinary happy dream that seems more or less like your usual life. See, the best thing about nightmares is that it's disturbing. I like disturbing. It makes you wonder. To me, a dream is not just a dream, therefore I analyze every little thing as I remember everything. I gotta give it to myself, my dreams have the most incredible story line. See, the only place that you're not going to get your ass in jail or be judged is in your mind. Unlike most people, what's in my mind doesn't just stay in my mind, I let it out there through my arts or my words because they deserve to be heard. I'd say the curious one, I ask questions, questions most people never thought of asking because I spend most of time contemplating about everything under the sun. I don't find the need to accept or believe in things that people in general were asked to believe in. I spend my time with my own world in my head, it's never ending. Anything can happen, even the most lethal thing. How delightful. You know, everything you think of, every little thing you learn is knowledge even if it's just inside your head. Whatever you can imagine is real, it is possible. Food for thought. One of the things that's not going to disappoint you is knowledge, it'll never go out of style.

I make things happen.
See, how the world works irks me, so I built my own.

Alas, creatures.

Here, here.

2011-05-29T23:11:00.005+08:00

So, I'm having a wardrobe clearance again as simple as that, nothing extensive. You can add this YM id: al.wardrobe@ymail.com if interested. One of my chums will be there to assist you. I'm too lazy to be uploading this picture on my Facebook page since I think it clashes with the real reason of that particular page, yes I'm fussy like that. A little bit of miss perfectionist, no I don't expect you to understand.

Alas, creatures.

Clock's ticking

2011-05-21T10:04:00.006+08:00

Disappointments happen everyday, so does miracles. We take time to grieve for disappointments but never acknowledge miracles.

I'm here, still breathing and I am very much alive, amen to that.

Hello creatures, it's been awhile. I've been busy with my midterms and all as been said on my previous post. I won't be around much to update from now on unless it's really necessary. I'll probably be online on weekends only, some sacrifices have to be made, the clock's ticking and I still have so much left to catch up. To those who's on my Facebook page, I'll reply whenever I can, I promise. Anyway, besides informing you that I also wanted to tell you about 15th of May, the day that I was so excited about, it was my anniversary with myself, I've been rocking solo for a year now and I figure me and myself are still going strong, we're content with each other's company, thank you very much.

Alas, creatures.

Hiatus

2011-05-12T14:41:00.000+08:00

M i d t e r m s.
I will be back in 2 weeks.

Alas, creatures.

2011-05-04T19:49:00.002+08:00

It's just ridiculous for someone to have felt so much to not feeling at all.

Alas, creatures.

Established

2011-05-03T14:48:00.013+08:00

Relationship status: ❒ Taken ❒ Single ✔
Heart: ❒ Taken ❒ Single ❒ None ✔

Now, that should've abraded their curiosity.
Just like one of my chums said "That's so Ally Lilith."
True, oh so very true.

Alas, creatures.

Mayday

2011-05-01T11:37:00.004+08:00

So, yesterday I spent my morning at the gym and playing squash with the siblings which is a bad move because now as I'm typing these my hands are killing me, it's aching like hell so are my legs and my behind. That's what you get when you're not much of an active person, I've always hated moving unnecessarily, yes I've also always said "I don't find the need to move unnecessarily" that point goes to exercising or sports, well sports are considered exercising just in a much more fancy way but yes I hate sports which is bad for the health and I also hate going out when the sun is up such as walking the dog, if I have a dog that is which I don't or simply going on a picnic when the sun is frying your ass. So, I prefer indoor activities. Anyway, my muscles are aching like hell and I can't walk straight, which looks really ridiculous and frankly, it's pissing me off. See, the littlest things tick me off, it's crazy. I'm hoping I'd be a-okay soon enough. And as for the picture above, I was wearing a baju kurung because I attended an occasion, family's occasion so yeah, I took pictures because this one friend of mine, a new friend, the least of friend, always wanted to see me in it, I don't know what's up with him but yes, so I did. Anyway, it's already May and it hits me hard I'm both excited and somewhat frantic. Truth be told, I'm pretty excited for the 15th of May if I'm not mistaken, it's either 5th or 15th but I'm pretty sure it's 15th so I'll go with 15th. Why you may ask? Well, I have something special planned out for myself which you'll know when the day comes. Why is Ally excited for the 15th, hmm wonder away, chaps and lasses. The frantic part on the other hand is because the big exam is not too far away and I figure I should be dating my books more often from now on, I am here to say that I will try my most utterly best way to prevent myself from wasting my time online, much. I will do the extreme even to prevent myself from any kinds of distractions. But fret not, sweethearts, I'll make a perfect balance of both.

Alas, creatures.

Dear girls

2011-04-27T13:56:00.008+08:00

I only have one little thing to say to those girls who's been led on, played, cheated or lied to without given any signs or warnings or clarifications in the end.

He's a dick, not a vagina.
Dicks don't say things.
They don't find the need to explain.

It's not that you're not worth the explanation, they're just like that. If it makes you feel any better, take it as a disease of not being able to tell the truth upfront. Sad. Really

Alas, creatures.

Subconscious

2011-04-25T23:31:00.010+08:00

Sometimes you feel awfully down and shed tears for no reason but there's a reason for everything. Not because it hurts or anything, quite frankly you don't feel even an ounce of pain but well you just don't know why.The reason may be vague but that doesn't mean it's not there, maybe it's in the subconscious. But you see, they say what you don't know won't hurt you, that's right, some reasons remained unfound, for our own good and for now I'm thankful.

Alas, creatures.

Hey Ho

2011-04-20T15:18:00.007+08:00

Greetings,
It's been awhile, if it hasn't been awhile, it feels like it. Nothing good has happened yet, maybe it did but I might have missed it. Anyhow, I've been keeping myself busy dating knowledge and now, I'm back bitches.

With love,
Ally Lilith.

Alas, creatures.

2011-04-11T18:52:00.015+08:00

It reaches to a point where I fear happiness, I am actually afraid to be happy because I know
that behind every happiness there's this selfish little monster waiting to bring everything down.

Alas, creatures.

Geek mode

2011-04-07T11:00:00.007+08:00

Test week is coming real soon and I have to spend more quality time with ze books than with my laptop. So, I'll be away for a few weeks. I refuse to have any disturbance nor distraction, now that's very very selfless of me. God knows, how certain disturbances and distractions are very tempting to me. Fret not, ladies and gentlemen, I'll be back before you know it. xoxo

Alas, creatures.

The battle between us.

2011-03-31T22:50:00.019+08:00

"When I look in the mirror, I know I'm looking at someone
who isn't sure she deserves to be loved at all."

We all fear a lot of things. Some of us display it to the world and the rest keep it to themselves. "For the world can bring you down if you give them a reason to." Wouldn't it be an irony to fear love itself? To fear affection and the joy it brings because you'd be waiting for another shoe to drop because you're wise enough to know that all good things come to an end. You compare things happening now to things that happened back then, you relate your past to your present and it seems fucked up when you want to find the same mistakes and found it because you want to really analyze it this time. So, you refuse to love or for anyone to actually give you love, you refuse everything that's related to pleasant emotions because you're just afraid. You want people to prove themselves, prove that they're not the same, but at the same time you're afraid that they actually might be something different and so you pushed them away, it's like you want someone but doesn't want someone all at the same time because you've been locked up in your very own cage for a long time that letting people in wouldn't be your first option, because you're secured and you're doing fine on your own. Though there comes to a point that you think "I don't want to be alone anymore." but the fear of actually having someone scares the holy crap out of you, so you sacrifice those things that you so deeply wanted and kept on telling yourself that you don't need anything more than what you already have now. Truth is, you're screwed. There's a war in you, between you and yourself and you became this insatiable being because nothing is good enough, there's always something wrong even when in reality everything is well. You became selfish as hell because you think you deserve what you want after what happened in the past, damn right you do. And if people can't handle that and they choose to leave, you let them leave, because they don't matter, nothing matters. Sometimes you'd feel like screaming and ripping your lungs apart just to feel something and you want to stop the war but couldn't because everything lies in you, nobody can help you but yourself. Maybe it became a part of you. Maybe it's just who you are. Maybe there is no solution or maybe you just fear too much. Maybe you let your fear clouds your judgments. Maybe you should stop being so afraid, take risks and just freaking live. It's all up to you. Well, I do nothing. You may not know this but doing nothing is actually doing something. I let nature takes its course. What's going to happen soon? Who knows. I'd either get a reason to stay, or get a reason to keep not giving a fuck. But of course I'm only speaking for myself as I'm one of those very few people who has two people living in one body, sharing one soul that's split into halves that sometimes things became more of a slippery situation.

People always leave and as for that I never cared enough to stay.

Alas, creatures.

Wish upon poison.

2011-03-28T14:58:00.030+08:00

Hello, whoever. Just thought I'd try something new, that explains the gif. I was bored and things tend to happen when I'm bored. See, it's going to be April soon, time flies. Today I realized something when I was having a deep chat with my best friend. "Things happen" I said and after awhile I told her that maybe it's not life doing the dirt on us, maybe we did it all on ourselves. If you wish for something it's bound to happen and we should be careful of what we wished for. Good or bad, it's all the same. Maybe when you think of something or wished for something that frequently, that bad, chances are there are a certain things you ought to do without even realizing you're doing it to make that wish happens. Even if you didn't wish for it but I think playing scenes in your head, sad hurtful scenes counts too. Maybe we are to blame, for the pain, not life, not nothing else. Maybe we are our own destiny. We are the failure and the pain we brought upon ourselves. We just never realized that. I have and probably by this second you would to. But still life, don't get too cocky, just because I said you're not to be blamed wholly doesn't make you any less of a bitch.

We're living life, and as long as we're a part of you, you're a part of us.

Get comfortable being cussed.

Alas, creatures.

Don't blame me, blame the sugar.

2011-03-26T15:57:00.005+08:00

I've been spoiling myself with sugar a mother load of sugar as I am in need of happy hormones. That's all I've got going for me so far. If people can't make me happy, I'll make myself happy with the help of candies, ice creams and chocolates. Ah heaven on earth. Well, when I'm hyper, I'm hyper. Took a lot of pictures yesterday that when all's done I felt so tired like I've been running or something, I couldn't catch my breath. I was so energized that I give energizer's batteries a bad name. I guess it is just like me to keep myself busy to escape everything else. How's my life? Life's pretty much the same, nothing worth talking about.

Alas, creatures.

Sometimes it's easy

2011-03-25T11:21:00.003+08:00

I'm emotionally detached so anything pretty much goes but if they're dumbfounded and they can't decide, I make it easier for just about anyone and decide for them because I don't like to be that pain in the their hearts, that hurricane in their minds. Say, hypothetical situation, if they're torn in between staying or leaving, I'd leave so they'd run out of options and has to go with what's decided. Well, life's simple if you want it to be. I'm that kind of person you see, I don't like to be a complication in someone's life because that wasn't my intention at all. I never intended to mean anything to anyone, I never wanted to you know. I make decision making easier for anyone, because I figure when it comes to feelings, I've got nothing to lose but they have. I'm like a living dead; cold, heartless and numb, that makes everything easier.

Alas, creatures.

Age are just numbers

2011-03-20T11:42:00.004+08:00

Most people has the idea that as the number of one's age increases so will the level of their maturity. They'd come into conclusion that because that one person is older than the other, they're supposed be more matured. Age doesn't define maturity, it depends on how your mind works. It has been proven, I've seen and known a few people who has this ridiculous thinking. You can be say, 30 and still acts like 13 or you can be 12 and acts like 32. It depends on an individual. Probably, they are late bloomers, I don't have issues with late bloomers just they shouldn't try messing around with me is all I'm saying. See, for instance when you're a late bloomer you'd try to pick a bone with me you'd never win. They'd go jumping into conclusions which they'd think is such a grand success, so they'd feel good about themselves even if it's basically nothing solid. What's important is that to be smart enough to ruminate before act, search for a real solid connection or any sort of relation only then jumping into conclusion wouldn't seem so shallow. They are too narrow minded that it hurts my brain and tickles my soul. All it takes is an open mind, but that's not quite possible for them because they'd think their minds are already as open as the gates of hell. Which is sad. I'm seventeen but my mind works further than that, my mind defines how old I truly am which in this case shouldn't be something attractive because my mind is like old old you know, I imagine it being all wrinkly which is disgusting. And because I am mentally older than them I think they're funny, so I'm very much amused. Point being, to have a thinking of age defining everything is pure rubbish.

Alas, creatures.

FAQs

2011-03-17T21:17:00.005+08:00

I'm not sure if you can hear me clearly but these are what I'm talking:

1. Do I have a boyfriend.
2. How tall am I.
3. What kind of shampoo am I using.
4. I don't answer personal questions.
5. What am I (race)
6. What kind of music do I listen to.
7. How old am I.
8. Who is my idol.
9. What do I wear often.
10. What kind of make up brands am I using
-Stealing from my mother.
11. Do I have best friends.
12. What is my real eye/hair color.
13. Do I read often.

I'd probably post it up on Facebook once it stopped being a bitch. For now, just watch.

Alas, creatures.

Comrades on sugar

2011-03-16T22:29:00.005+08:00

My friend has been hyped up about the idea of having a picnic and she texted me saying we'd have a picnic on Wednesday which is today. I had a better idea rather than going out exposed to the sun why not have picnic in my room and so we did. We had cotton candies, balloons and even party hats. I had to wear bloody Dora the explorer. Good God, the most annoying thing ever but of course there's no other choices. Well, I guess Dora beats Disney princesses. We had fun, a lot of fun. I guess we don't need clubs to party, we party like no other. I needed this, a good time, a good non stop laughter. They're my laughing gas. Today was terrific enough said.

Alas, creatures.

Dream a little dream

2011-03-15T18:46:00.007+08:00

I have been feeling a little bit off these days, with reasons, I think or maybe it's just me being me but I guess everything adds up when I dreamed of my hair getting chopped off, I freaked. Scary feeling I tell you. Somehow rather for a split second it's like a blast from the past, all of a sudden it's all '06 again, the feeling I mean not the situation. I felt ashamed and insecure and ugly, in that dream. It's been said that it means I'm losing strength or power or that someone else is trying to take something very important away from me. Hmm let's see, Heart? none. Family? Hmm in place I guess. Close worthy friends? Check. What else could it be. Oh well maybe it's my hairdryer or makeup or something. Whatever. I'm a wee bit superstitious, yes, shut your gob. It's not weird for me to be having these weird dreams, I dream every time I sleep and I remember everything, it's always very entertaining, very bizarre. Totally me. Filled with weak stupid emotions though. Well, at least I am capable of experiencing emotions in my dreams rather than nothing at all now that's something.

Alas, creatures.

Hypocrites can kiss my ass

2011-03-13T20:40:00.009+08:00

Everyone's going to talk behind your back, being a total hypocrite no matter how close or trustworthy they are to you, whether it's your mother, father, brother, sister, best friend or whoever no one's going to be fully satisfied with you and the things you do but all you can do is keep your held high and take pride in being who you are, you are only human. You're not perfect and you don't have to be. You're not living in this world to please everyone. Don't stop being who you are just because some people doesn't fancy it. Nothing's wrong with you, just something's wrong with them. They have this narrow mentality of wanting everything to go as they wish. To have this status quo that they're already used to, of what should be and what shouldn't. You do this, you're a bad person, you do that and you're still a bad person. They're too quick to judge when they don't quite know you wholly. So, I'm saying, don't give a shit.

Everyone's so full of shit these days anyway.

Alas, creatures.

Do I look like I care

2011-03-11T15:59:00.016+08:00

Well, I've started drawing again, bit by bit after a long time say more than half a year for some reason. Glad to know I haven't lost my natural touch of creating art completely. Anyway, we students are going to have a week of holidays, yes? I'm always so enthusiastic about holidays but not so much this time, I'm not sure why. I don't think anything amazing ought to happen during. Let's just hope my instincts are wrong though I highly doubt that but as long as there's hope my friend, everything should be good. Have a splendid holiday, you.

Alas, creatures.

The world is mine

2011-03-05T23:28:00.012+08:00

New artwork.
See, if being awesome was a crime, I'd definitely be behind bars, just saying. They know she's got the world in the palm of her hand. The thing is that she somewhat knows it as well.

Anyway, I don't quite have anything new going on with me, just same ol' same ol'. I figure I need some sort of excitement to amuse me. I have been breathing but not living, I have been seeing but not believing. What a life. A piece of work aren't I? I know but hey at least I am adapting not complaining, that got to mean something. I shall try to sleep now, at least try to try.

MAKE PEACE
NOT LOVE.

Alas, creatures.

Romance is dead

2011-03-02T18:06:00.014+08:00

It's been ages since I actually watched a sappy love story sort of movie. I stopped allowing myself to be exposed to those bullshits because I wasn't in a stable condition to be handling those romance thingy. I was pretty disturbed by all that. There would be a lot of love based movies that I've been dying to watch back when I was "unstable" but I couldn't torment myself even more. One of those movies would be "Remember Me". Now that, I'm feeling better than I did before and I am somewhat stable in a way, I feel that I am ready to watch a little bit of romance, and so I watched it. A few hours ago actually. It's not bad, the irony of it is that the girl's name is also Ally, and the way she is reminds me of myself, in a way, little tiny bit of resemblance, the way she speaks maybe at the very beginning. I googled a picture of the scene in the toilet, I find it adorable. So, I did some quick editing because I was bored. Anyway, so I feel that I've made major progress. I feel that it's like an accomplishment in a way, I'm pretty proud of myself, so shut up. You see, most people when they want to move on or heal themselves, they get into a rebound relationship, I didn't. I spent my time with myself, for a long while and I let time heals. I'm not actually totally fine but I'm alright and this time it's not just to convince myself that I am, it's actually true. There would still be a little reminiscing from time to time but it's not as bad as before. The impact lessened a lot. I just don't give a shit. I'll keep getting better each and everyday I'm sure. But still on top of it all, I still think that love is bullshit,I stopped having faith in it and I couldn't be involved with it, not now.

"Our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch; is that true for everybody or was that just poetic bullshit?" -Remember Me.

Alas, creatures.

No escape.

2011-03-01T15:22:00.009+08:00

I've been waging wars with myself again, my sister; Lilith is wide awake.
Annihilating my every sane thought, every sane emotion.
This is never ending, this is tiring.
And no, you would never understand how it feels, to be me.

"In the dark of the night I was tossing and turning,
and the nightmare I had was as bad as can be.
It scared me out of my wits, a corpse falling to bits,
then I opened my eyes and the nightmare was me."

And the scariest thing ever that is, knowing your only nightmare is yourself.

Alas, creatures.

No strings attached

2011-02-28T13:43:00.013+08:00

I am open to dating, I have been for quite some time. I date whoever I want to date, I don't find the need to commit to one person right now because I can't even feel for anyone so I figure I should not mess around with anyone's feeling. All that's been said to those guys wanting to date me is that: I am Ally, do not fall for me as I am incapable of love and trust, so no strings attached. But in the end, someone always lose. But this time I'm sure that the person losing is not me. At least I'm kind enough to warn them that all I might do is break their clumsy little hearts. I mean no harm, they're just looking for trouble, lucky enough trouble is all I'm about.

Well, if they're up for it, they're up for it.

Love is the trend that never wears off, I'm either outmoded or I simply have my own trend
because I thrashed love way back then.

Alas, creatures.

Boring morning

2011-02-26T12:15:00.003+08:00

I woke up very early like at 6 o'clock in the morning and I started calling someone random to actually bug the holy shit out of him so that I'm not the only person who's wide awake. I'm used to doing that, my friends are used to it. It's a circle of revenge, you have no idea how satisfying it is to know that you've disturbed someone's peace. I started it of course, and it goes on. So far no one's done it to me yet because perhaps they know how ugly it could turn out to be. Oh, Ally's grumpier in the morning especially when her sleep's disturbed. Anyway, I've wasted my time just listening to music, I needed a good song to fit my mood but unfortunately I don't know what's my mood, like what the hell am I feeling, am I happy am I sad am I angry? Who the hell knows, so I just played those songs on random. Lucky enough I've found some good songs I could relate to later on, still not about my current mood but still relatable. That's pretty much it. And just now, my dad gave me his PJs, guess he no longer wants them and as I'm the only tall person in the house, I guess I get to keep them. Yay me, boo them. I'd probably have to actually bath now and get ready for something something. I portend a very busy day today.

Alas, creatures.

Scatterbrain

2011-02-22T17:50:00.013+08:00

Everything will be normal soon, just you and me, Lilith. I promise.

The reasons may still be vague to me, but I have people around me telling me things I couldn't see or things I don't want to see. Maybe it's true, I've been pushing people away from me, that's not news but I've been doing it a lot more to the extreme for quite some time now. I'd only push them away to see who cares enough to stay and if they leave then they're not worthy of me. But of course, they always leave. And I figure I deserve nothing but the best. I've got these theories that's always proving me right, things have either became too predictable or I have became the next psychic zelda. To have always been right has always been such a curse, especially being right at the time when you don't want to be, now that would be the worst. Though people come and go, I don't blame them though, this may be a cliche but it never cease to be true. From this time onwards:It's me, not you. In a way things have changed, instead of being the one that's always left, I leave. It's easier, no wasting time because in the end, that's how it's going to be. Leaving has become such a trend these days, it's a dent on human beings. No one actually stays anymore, not really. Well, they're probably not what I'm looking for, so I kick them out before they could come in. Don't bother trying. I don't feel like hurting anyone or breaking anyone's heart, it's not a nice thing to do. I guess this whole not letting anyone in has been a nature of Ally for a long time. I do not know what's going on with me or even what's wrong as when it comes to me there's always something wrong somewhere. I figure I'd just let it be for now. Well, not that I don't want to feel, I just can't. I'm too numb to feel no shit.

I'll meet that someone one day, someone who drives me insane and keep me sane all at the same time, someone who's capable of keeping up with me and my crazy, someone that despite my million flaws and anything else, he still prefers to stay.

Alas, creatures.

2011-02-19T11:18:00.006+08:00

For I have witnessed love, for I have tasted love
and I know fair well that what you think is love,
isn't.

Alas, creatures.

Love stinks, let's drink.

2011-02-14T16:01:00.014+08:00

Today is Valentine's day and people are all driven into manic by the silly idea .I never cared enough to be a hypocrite to celebrate love for one day, I never celebrated perhaps because I'm by myself most of the time so will you not be my valentine? Thanks.

Pardon the picture on the right, I was ripping my pants. Tried searching for a good ripped jeans out there couldn't find one that's up to par so I made it myself. I've been busy innovating. Apart from that, I was sick. Not just sick in the head but health wise. I've gotten fever again, which sucks ducks as my friend said. I've come to conclusion that I not only attract boys and girls but diseases as well. Fancy that.

Alas, creatures.

All over the place

2011-02-07T14:58:00.014+08:00

My emotions are all about, all mixed up, all fucked up.
That I go through everyday and not knowing what I feel or if I feel, at all.

"The worst crime is faking it."
But what the hell fake a smile, pretend that you're okay, that everything that's wrong is right and maybe, just maybe if you're fortunate enough they'll shut up for once.

Alas, creatures.

2011-02-06T00:30:00.003+08:00

I have no idea why my webcam turned yellowish all of a sudden, for this two shots, must have been that time of the month, oh well. Ah as promised that's the picture of my new wall. At least one side of it. It's the whole danger zone concept. Definitely a perfect balance of myself. I'm bored to death, technically tomorrow's Monday. Great. I've been doing some research on famous murderers, that's what I'm going to be talking about for my English oral so yeah. I still remember how I asked my dad to buy a book of one of the famous murderers and he said "Aren't you distorted enough to be reading those bullshits?" haha, true. But hey knowledge is power. Either way we have Google these days so it's a win-win situation. Good God, I'm pretty drained, I just got back home after days of vacation. I think I better rest, I need to get somethings done tomorrow. I almost forgot it's already February. And you know what February's all about. Valentine's day. Well I've never actually cared enough about it even when I had a boyfriend back then. It's not a big deal. But hey it made me think about cupid a lot, now that clueless bitch is going to be in a lot of trouble when I started thinking about. But right now, I'm somewhat stable. So I'm all about civility. Heh, I wish.

Alas, creatures.

Holy Days

2011-02-04T08:40:00.011+08:00

Ah, it's the chinese new year I didn't actually wish anyone personally but happy chinese new year to all. I'm not a chinese so I don't celebrate. But hey, I'm capable of having a few different looks and by right I could look chinese from time to time, I think it's fair enough for me to be given an angpau or whatever they're giving during. Just saying, it's only fair to. Anyway, I'm having fun times during this holidays, the only thing that sucked is going out when the sun is up burning ze skin. Not literally of course. Oh yes I have sun issues. I hate being tan. I hate how my skin feels under the sun. But it's all good I still had fun. Quality time with the family is an ideal holiday. You know, it's safe to say that I'm happy like right at THIS moment, I'm content. Holidays will be over soon though, bummer. I still have a few things left to do. Well, I better go now, these mosquitoes are so in love with me, they gave me love bites and now I am scratching my face in the name of love. To hell with you tiny flying living things. Oh yeah funny thing, I never actually cared whether or not people reads my blog because I don't read people's blog, I find it very very useless as I mind my own business but I've been seeing how the number of followers keep increasing, I figure: Okayyy, people read.

Alas, creatures.

Come and see

2011-01-30T13:28:00.011+08:00

I live by making my own mistakes and learning from them, people around me play their parts. I don't have such strict mottoes in life that would determine what kind of life I want to have, I learn to not take life so seriously. However, for all these while I've been living I always keep three things in mind:

Think the unthinkable.
Expect the unexpected.
Believe the unbelievable.

That's what keeping me on track when I feel like drifting away.It helps to just observe the things that pass me by every once in awhile. Every little details, no harm done. You know what's the sad thing in the world today? The fact that most people see but no longer look let alone watch. The fact that most people, hear but no longer listen. But I do, I try not to take thing for granted, life's too fickle for that.

Alas, creatures.

Seventeen

2011-01-28T00:11:00.008+08:00

TONIGHT I DRINK TO YOUTH.

My birthday's on the 27th of January which was yesterday. I'm typing this a half an hour late but it's alright. So, I'm officially 17 years old this year. Not too shabby really. Yesterday was a great day in general, cracked jokes with my allies, received wishes and handshakes from people. They even sang me a birthday song. You know birthdays are always such a delight, people are going to sing for you with their god awful voice even but somehow rather there's beauty in it. I'd like to thank you everyone who's been wished me a happy birthday, I appreciate it all. That's very nice of you. For my birthday I got an Ipod touch from my dad, music plays an important role in my daily life, I take my music everywhere I go and when I said everywhere I really meant everywhere. It was a nice celebration a little get together with my family, just my family. It was simple but fun, I've got to sit on the chair like I'm some sort of an Arabic prince or something. Yes, prince I said. Anyway, one of my good friend gave me a gift, it's a bottle filled with 20 capsules. She said since I've eaten a lot of pills because I'm under a lot of medication, it's somehow appropriate, because I like it? That's what she said, true. I consume a lot of pills. I'm not a junkie, I'm just not the healthiest person alive. Anyway, in those pills there were tiny letters which she wrote messages. It's really sweet and meaningful, I love it much and I'm going to be keeping it for the long run, it might help. That's pretty much it, I've made a wish which I'm not going to tell because then it won't come true.

"I'm seventeen and I'm crazy"
Those two always go together.

Alas, creatures.

Changes

2011-01-23T16:13:00.005+08:00

Change is constant, people change but that doesn't mean I have to like it because I don't, I don't like changes.

I have this thing going on where I have relationships with the non living, like my room for instance. I have such good relationship with my room, I spend most of my time in my room. My room and I shared a lot of moments together, when I'm down or when I'm filled with joy. I love my room so much that it hurts to see it change. Like any little things, I've always had everything at its own places. Like my bed would be in the center under the fan, my hair dryer would be in the drawer beside me and my comb would be on the left side of my dressing table. I wouldn't allow anyone to change anything, the positions and all without my consent because my room is my haven, I'm already used to it and changes; well changes violates my comfort. It not only upsets me when any changes are made in my room but it also saddens me because I have committed to my room for years somehow rather with any changes made in my room I lost security. I hate that. You know what sucks, knowing that person all your life and out of the blue that person changes into someone completely different and you have no idea who that person is anymore so you stopped talking because things just aren't the same. I have a special bond with the non living because they're the things that I could count on to stay the same. I can't control people, I can't ask them to stop changing because people change that's a fact whether you like it or not but I can have control on those little things and I sure as hell will. It is important for me to keep some things as the way they are, it'll make up for those people who were in my life that changed so drastically. I'm not being dramatic, I am how I am, little things aren't so little to me.

Alas, creatures.

2011-01-23T00:17:00.003+08:00

My voice and the image is always not in sync when I uploaded a video here.

Alas, creatures.

Beautiful disaster.

2011-01-21T18:00:00.023+08:00

They expect me to have a sad story behind everything that I am, before I am who I am now, thing is unlike those people, I don't. Despite of losing people I've ever truly loved (which I'm coping with and didn't find the need to promulgate about it.) I had a good life, I still do; family wise that is. I don't necessarily belong to the absolutely over-the-top wealthy family but I still get everything I ever asked for. I'd say that's about as fortunate as anyone could ever asked for. The only problem I have is myself as only I could ruin me. The only thing that's ever been messing about with me is me in my looming world, it's all real fucked up. I'm real fucked up but I'm actually kind enough to allow people have a little peek of my world through my arts, point being to let them see how complex and disturbing one can be and maybe they'd appreciate the things they're seeing with their set of eyes for once.

I think there's a nobility in that.

Alas, creatures.

Bad ass

2011-01-21T14:56:00.011+08:00

Hello, I have a new artwork, posted it up on my Facebook page and also my Deviantart. You can feast your eyes there if you'd like. Well, I just got my room painted, that explained the black wall in the picture above. I'd post overall picture when it's all perfectly done though. Anyway, funny thing about myself, it's that I fall sick easily. Like I attract diseases so it seems. Which sucks. Now I'm having flu and I lost my voice due to excessive coughing. I can't speak, I sound so gay.

"One time God told me it was unhealthy to be so popular,
that's probably why I'm sick all the time"

Alas, creatures.

Pardon my highness

2011-01-19T23:41:00.005+08:00

I hardly wear heels, I'm more of a converse person. I like wearing platform-less shoes, boots but I don't wear flip flops though, hardly. It's just because I'm already tall enough you know. Like really. I looked like a giant or something, which isn't necessarily bad but you know I don't like attention, I don't need more of it, I've had enough. I'd wear heels when there's an occasion or something. Made me look real classy. Seeing myself in heels scares me, but you know sometimes that's what I need, a good scare. Since no one has succeed in scaring me, I did myself a favor. Anyway, I am now and forever will be in love with Chuck Taylor.

Alas, creatures.

Serenity

2011-01-19T20:08:00.015+08:00

First of all, I'd like to say thank you for those who took the time to send me their fan arts and fan signs through my inbox or some link that they've uploaded it on and passed it to me, I can't remember but they're all lovely. I'm flattered. I don't google myself so I wouldn't know of stuffs done for me or about me unless I'm told. Not to worry to those who sent me one of those way way wayyy back then, I still have them. xoxo

Updates:

This tranquil life I'm living in at the moment is what I needed after years of wavering.

Life's been behaving for 2 weeks or so now. I'd cherish every moment since my life's meant to be insane so it's only the matter of time till it acts up again. I did a MRI few days ago regarding my backache that's only gotten worse but good enough nothing turned out to be severe except for my abnormal cervical spine which I've discovered 2 years ago. Well, I was a breech baby, that's no surprise. I need a lot of exercises so Ive been told, drugs aren't helping me but I'd rather do it on my own terms really. I skipped physio therapy since it's such a hassle. It takes time and I get bored real quickly. I'm not going to rant much about it, other people have it worst so yeah. Anyway, I'm getting sushi now. I'm ravenous.

Alas, creatures.

Non-expiring sockdolager

2011-01-14T16:41:00.014+08:00

I was going through my pc, I haven't turned it on for quite some time ever since my pops bought me a laptop and I found my old pictures. It's amusing, it's like I amused myself. I was like wow, I look so different no wonder some of my long lost friends said I did some plastic surgery on my face. Which I didn't. I thought as I grow I'd only grow taller or fatter or skinnier or stuffs but I thought wrong. As I grow, my face structure changes. Even when I look back at my last year's pictures, I look different let alone my pictures when I was 5. I looked like two completely different person. I've always said that I evolve, which is true, I'd keep on evolving. I'm like miss metamorphosis or something. Which is good, versatility is amazing where else staticity is boring. Few years of stint in life, I've been changing a lot physically and mentally which is brilliantly astonishing to see yourself grow you know. I'm planning to keep all of my pictures and maybe 10 years from now I'd look back and go "Aww look how fineee I was, well still am." and maybe say 40 years from now I'd go all "Damn, that fucking fine chick! gravity hasn't got nothing on her!" but of course right at that moment I'd be all old, saggy and sad. Come to think of it, maybe I shouldn't be keeping my pictures. Damn, it must really suck being old. Anyway, my birthday is coming soon, I'm thinking of the venue and theme, it shall be amazingly amazing I hope and Je suis excité!

Alas, creatures.

Little muffin

2011-01-13T18:46:00.005+08:00

I have this weird thing with detachable ears, really. Or any cool headgear. I wear them often as well. Whenever I see cool headgear like ears or hats, I buy them. No hesitation, no second thoughts. I actually buy those kind of things a lot, like dolls. My dad said it's a waste of money, I disagree. It's like my thing. I don't have pictures with me wearing all of them, but I'd have them soon enough just you wait. The above picture is my lovely muffin, my brother bought muffin for me for my last year's birthday. I call him Muffin not Mario. I think Mario sounds old and gay. He's mouth-less though, I ripped off his mouth for some reason. Well, what can I say, they look better after I'm done with them. Just like the rest of my dolls. He looked so cute with those ears, I could bite him. See, the second picture was him being some sort of a monster, I like monsters, I am one, in a way.

Alas, creatures.

Ai

2011-01-11T23:06:00.013+08:00

The one thing that puzzles me more than anything would be love. I don't understand how something you can't see with your naked eyes plays an important role in everyone's life. See how love changes people? Like how you feel when you're in love? All the enthusiasm, the kind of chemistry between two strangers. It's ridiculous, like seriously it's remarkably crazy. And if I'm impressed by anything it would be by love itself. Science has nothing on love. Science can't explain love even if it did it'll just be another joke to me because it is undefined. How do you explain the tummy whirling and churning just by hearing the name of that someone or even just by thinking about it? Oh don't give me that crap about estrogen or any scientific terms. It's an insult to define something so great and so twisted. Love trumps all. I don't quite believe in science having to explain everything but I believe in love, love would be that one thing that I believe in without knowing hows and whys. I may not be in love and I may not want to right now but I've tasted love, I know how it feels. Bottom line is, love is that one thing that made me feel stupid because I just don't fucking get it and I never will.

Alas, creatures.

Urge to write

2011-01-11T18:29:00.005+08:00

The title says it all. Well, let's see. I have been thinking a lot about my future. Not the whole love life shits, like "Oh I'm going to find for the perfect guy and maybe I'd fall in love again, oh and maybe I'd get married and live happily ever after" I gave those fantasies away way back then, my love life is dead. To be precise, I've been cogitating about what I'm going to do when I'm done with high school. What do I want to work as say a few years from now. I am a very determine person and I am always very sure of myself and my decisions but when you're only 16 about to be 17 and you have to think about what your future's going to be, like foresee what's ahead of you, that could really make you doubt some serious shit. Weighing the chances, calculating the percentage of success, deciding. When they ask me all those questions about my future I only have one particular answer that I'd like to make a change in the world. That's what I've always wanted to do. I've once said my ambition is to be happy. So, I'd most likely end up doing something that makes me happy. Thing is I was so sure of what I wanted for myself until I'm not. I don't work well under pressure but I am sure I'd come around. If only they'd stop asking, jeez. My number 1 choice would be fashion, second would be professional design. But you know I don't like learning about something that I know I can do without even trying. So, I'd probably be in Fashion. A little more challenging maybe better yet in just my cup of tea. We'll see how it goes. However, I've decided my university of choice since the last 3 years so at least one thing's decided. That's it for now. I don't seek for opinions because I'd make the decisions and no one knows me better than me, not my parents and definitely not a counselor.

Alas, creatures.

Tumblr again?

2011-01-09T16:56:00.021+08:00

Bonjour, creatures.

I had a Tumblr account once before when it wasn't quite known by people but then I get bored so I deleted it and I just continue using blogspot. Now people has been asking me to create an account there and I myself have been thinking of making one again as well. But maybe i'd just use tumblr for my random photography and all or my sayings or "SuicideALLY's quotes" as they said it, it's still funny for me when they say that. I wouldn't use Tumblr to actually write stuffs, I'd leave that to blogspot. Easy to say, I'd speak with blogspot like updates and all, I'd let my random photography speaks for itself on Tumblr. That's the idea for now. I dislike having bunch of sites where I write stuffs on. Like having two blogs, a big NO-NO. it's peeving. I'm fussy like that. Well, Tumblr has some cool stuffs and 'reblog' sounds fun. I've always done things by myself so that's something new and refreshing. Just reblog whatever speaks to me on that particular moment. I like the idea of that. Oh fret not, blogspot. I won't neglect you. I'll only be on Tumblr to post my random photography, it'll be like my random gallery.

Anyway hey, I'm on Tumblr now.
http://thesuicideally.tumblr.com
I was bored so I made it and maybe if i'm bored again, i'll delete it.

Alas, creatures.

The 70's

2011-01-09T03:17:00.006+08:00

Few hours ago, I went to my aunt's birthday bash and unfortunately I was the MC. It was very difficult for me since I have issues with people in general but somehow rather made it through the end. The theme of the party was based on the 70's movie; Grease. It was pretty fun actually, as always. My family, they have this weird thing with parties. I have no idea why but I'm not complaining, it's all good. And also I was in charge of the usual montage and stuff. I still had fun despite all the other things I had to do. Oh well, since it's the AM now, I can safely say that yesterday was tiring, I was jaded and I still am. I should be in bed. Like right now.

Alas, creatures.

Sick as a dog

2011-01-06T14:41:00.006+08:00

Little updates for those who care: See, I went to school on the first day, everything went well and bam! I got sick on the next day. I have been absent from school for 3 days now including today. I think it's some sort of a fever season or something because hey I'm not the only one. It's been spreading vastly. Mine is like an on and off kind of thing. Like one moment I'm all burning up then it subsides and then I started burning up again. Bitch right? I hate feeling like crap you know. The feeling when your body slowly giving up on you, sucks. It irks me like hell but thankfully I am okay now, not all hunky dory but okay. I chunked all sort of medicine and shove it down my throat just to get better, I'm almost immune to all of it, almost. My friend called me a junkie. On my defense, a junkie is a junkie when he or she is content by the drugs taken, I wasn't content. It's a real hassle for me actually so no, I am not a junkie. Anyway, to those who are feeling like crap, grab your meds and may God bless you.

Alas, creatures

Suckfest 2011

2011-01-02T21:07:00.008+08:00

Tomorrow will be the first day of school in 2011, I'm pumped up alright. Oh my lovely chums, tomorrow we shall cause mayhem, just like we always do. We've been apart for 60 days more or less,and I could use a little.. crazy, I might say. Ally knows crazy, Ally likes crazy.

This should be fun, yes?

and oh yeah I forgot, 2011, hit me with your best shot. I'm one tough cookie, I'd break your neck.

Alas, creatures

Brand new year, same old life

2010-12-31T01:01:00.008+08:00

Holidays are about to be over, boy time sure does fly when I'm having fun. To sum up my holidays would be very easy. I spent most of the time with myself and my family. And I spent a moment or two with some close chums. Well, see 2010 will be over by right tomorrow, judging from the time of course. I've mentioned in one of my posts that I don't celebrate new years, that's still valid. A lot has happened in 2010, I've lost a number of people and gained a couple. It's okay though, it happens. I'm beginning to get used to it. There's also a few people that's always been with me through thick and thin which I appreciate a lot. I've wasted for about more than half of my 2010 feeling awfully down. Which seemed really daft when I've had the clarity moment I needed. Easy to say, 2010 is the worst so far, my 2010 was a total catastrophe but for these past 2 weeks I've been feeling better, it's been a long time since I've felt peaceful. Amen to that. See I thought I've lost "happiness" when I've lost that one person who meant the world to me but I was wrong. Happiness is a condition not a destination. Happiness comes and go and maybe that's okay. Lesson for the future; never make anyone your everything because these things aren't a signed contract, it's not a sure deal in the end someone always lose. I've learned that the hard way, you shouldn't have to. Well, I've left my past in the thrash so it's all good, I'm all good. Everything's fucked up nowadays. Anyway, the thing I've realized with my forever effed up life is that people will always leave no matter how hard I try to make them stay but family, family sticks together. Well, at least my family does. And I am perpetually grateful of that. So, 2011 I don't expect much from you, whether it's a new year or whatsoever, life's still a bitch. I'd try to make the most out of it though, you can't take anything for granted these days.

I don't make resolutions, it's hypocritical.

Alas, creatures.

Child's play

2010-12-29T02:18:00.009+08:00

I haven't been writing any poetry since the last one and I told myself that I needed something new to write about and it took me for about 2 months to get it. This would be my 16th poem. I'll post it here and also on my Facebook page. This isn't about posse nor lovers, it's about my brothers from another mothers and my sisters from another misters. So here goes.

Lips of satans, hearts of angels,
Confine her fouled soul in a crystal bottle.
Play on the field with joy in the weather,
Drank away her tears and generate her laughter.

Look at that rainbow, breaking into halves,
Smote that grin off that young lass,
Though her heart sank and her tears flow,
Inside she knew she's not the only crow,

Their souls merged and their hearts unite,
Leaving yesterday to ashes and dust,
They ripped her horns and glued her wings,
And everything’s just like yesterday‘s evening.

One knife on her back and they hunt in pack,
Run run traitors and never come back,
They’ll cut your tongue and make a scene,
You'd rue the time you made her scream.

She sewed her eyes and opens her heart,
“You are my soul mates” scarred on her chest.
Through thick and thins, she's fighting herself,
Trying to fill the empty shelf.

But there came her comrades raiding her space,
Trying to save her and her battered place,
She's now with a smile as bright as the sun,
There's no other reason for her to run.

-Ally Lilith

Alas, creatures

Santa claws is coming to town

2010-12-23T22:38:00.012+08:00

Bought that hat to make a picture for my friends and my fans.
You better hope you like it, or else. haha.

Have a good one, creatures.

Alas, creatures.

Holy as hell

2010-12-23T00:00:00.005+08:00

I wouldn't need to explain of what has been said.
Believe what you want to believe I won't tell you otherwise.

Alas, creatures

Highschool again

2010-12-21T21:08:00.002+08:00

I went school shopping today, bought bunch of stuffs to prepare myself for my last year in school. My friends are all "it's the last year of school, use your old stuffs." Thing is, I can't help it. I just have to buy everything new, like a fresh start. Yeah, I still get enthusiastic about the whole getting a new bag, a new pencil case and a new pair of shoes. I do things with style, it's inevitable. Somehow rather my enthusiasm isn't as crazy as my past years, there may be a tinge of possibility that I may have sobered up a bit after all. Oh wait, that's impossible. haha. Perhaps it's because I'm enjoying my holidays way too much. And by enjoying I meant staying at home doing nothing. My all time hobby. Pfft. Anyhow, next year would be my last year of high school, this is so bizarre to me. It seems like it's only been yesterday that I've felt so annoyed and impatient about being done with school and well I only have one year left. A year could swoosh by real fast. Though I'm not much of a fan of school but I figure i'd cherish it and maybe try attending school more than I did before. Sitting for my SPM next year so i'd have to be a tad bit of a bookworm. It's all good sometimes geeks are sexy. I actually have a university of choice but i haven't made up my mind though. It's okay i have 366 days more or less to think about it. That's pretty much it, my back hurts like hell like literally felt as though my backbones are swollen or something. Probably should be on bed rest. Have a good night everyone. xoxo

Alas, creatures.

Let's just pretend you know me

2010-12-21T01:34:00.006+08:00

Sweetheart, this is my world I'd beat you at your own game.

Unless you're God I'm unaffected but go on say what you want to say and think what you want to think but next time save yourself some hassle and shove it up my a-s-s. This is picnic for me and I may be all into veges but I still eat scumbags like you. Judge me, it gets real fancy.

Alas, creatures.

Perseverance

2010-12-15T18:51:00.017+08:00

All these while I've been wasting my time but now it's time to go and leave you behind.
But sure as you wish we can still be friends. Just know that when I change my heart and made up my mind, I'd never take the slightest moment in time to ever look back.
____________________________________________________

I've been laying low but now I'm getting my mojo.

Alas, creatures

A little bit cynic, a little bit demonic

2010-12-12T22:04:00.004+08:00

Bitch, you must be demented
if you think you're cooler than me.

Alas, creatures